Category: Lifestyle

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Bentley Bentayga Review

For some, “hitting the slopes” is as simple as hopping on daddy’s jet and heading for the family chalet in Vail. After a day of busting your ass on the bunny slopes, you’ll be ready for a night on the town. Obviously, you’ll want the other pretty people to see you driving something appropriately arrogant. A Mercedes G65 AMG would be a good choice, but your mother drives one of those, so no. You can’t have an Escalade because every poser in every town has one. A Land Rover is just too pedestrian. No, you need something that says, “I’m fuck-you rich!”. Like a 2017 Bentley Bentayga…

This stupidly, expensive SUV is made by the Bling-Masters at Bentley, and it’s just dripping with excess. It looks like your dad’s Continental GT from the front, but it’s much bigger, and way more imposing. Behind the massive grille (which resembles a sterling silver…screen door) is a twin-turbo 6.0L W12 (like a V12, but different) that deals 600-hp/664 lb-ft to all four wheels. That’s enough power to effortlessly plow over snow drifts, poor people, whatever gets in your way. It’s also enough grunt to propel this rolling penthouse to 60 mph in 4-seconds dead. If you keep the hammer down, you’ll eventually see a top speed of 187 mph. Not only is that kind of speed completely insane, but it’s enough to earn the 2017 Bentley Bentayga the title of ‘World’s Fastest Production SUV’.


Fun Fact: For an extra $170,000, Bentley will install a Breitling Mulliner Tourbillion dash clock. Complete with a sold 18k yellow or white gold case, 8 real diamonds in the face, a titanium movement cage, and a novel self-winding feature. Three times every 15 minutes, a low-volt electric mechanism will literally spin the entire clock around to wind the movement. Or, you can press a button and watch your passenger’s heads spin with your…6-figure clock.


Besides the ticket-attracting pavement power, this Bentley SUV can actually traverse moderately difficult terrain. The full-time AWD system (an advanced version of Audi’s Quattro system) employs a Torsen center differential to shuffle power between the axles, and there’s a plethora of on/off road driving modes to maximize traction and power application. Despite the Bentayga’s 5,400 lb. curb weight, it can maneuver itself over/through obstacles quite admirably. This is thanks to the standard air suspension, which can extend itself to provide nearly 10-inches of ground clearance. And the sway bars can even disconnect themselves to allow an impressive 9 inches of wheel travel.

But honestly, do you care how your quarter-million-dollar chick magnet gets you down your snow-covered driveway? No. Because you just want to get home and chill with the hot lingerie model you just picked up at the club…

Bentley Champagne

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